Welcome to Buff’s little vault.
It’s sweet with a bit of salt.
So without further ado
Let’s make this dream true,
This gimmick may be a fault.
The year is twenty-eighteen,
I’m a young dev, still a bit green.
I download Unreal,
An Engine I feel,
Looks right on my little screen.
I start a project called Buff,
It’s ugly and all kindsa rough.
But it sure plays
Like the good old days
When simple games were enough.
But I’m still kind of a learner.
And for heads, Buff wasn’t a turner.
So I focus on work.
Solo dev, I would shirk.
And I put Buff on the back-burner.
Fast forward a couple of years,
And a slight change of careers.
It’s twenty-twenty,
Disasters aplenty,
And my love for Buff reappears.
So I give it a brand new look,
A nice little visual hook.
With unmatched mobility,
Speedrun compatibility,
And gameplay that’s not by the book.
Everybody loves the new style.
On their faces, it draws a smile.
But it didn’t come easy,
And without sounding cheesy,
It looked like crap for a while.
Pretty colors can only go so far.
They look cute but a little bizarre.
So I add an outline,
And it sure looks fine,
And the ugly Buff says “Au revoir.”
But it feels a little bit boring,
It is fine but it’s got me snoring.
So I flatten the lighting,
It’s getting exciting,
Lemme tell you, my hype is soaring.
But I still need to make the gameplay
Something fun to make the Gamers™ stay.
I throw away the plan,
And design like a man,
A game that’s a lot more than okay.
Open levels where you’ll bounce and grind,
And in a jam, I think that you’ll find…
On enemies you’ll surf
And skate around their turf.
And explosions, I hope you don’t mind.
You don’t need a plan to make games,
Just need to kick butt and take names.
Thinking inside the box,
And boring design docs,
Are garbage, that’s what I proclaims.
Everything in Buff that you see,
Was added ‘cause no one could stop me.
You can do it too,
No one can stop you,
And so is the life of an indie.
EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK FOTTAGE) - NIGHT GRAPHIC: 1967 - SOMEWHERE IN NEVADA
It is set against the obvious skyline of Las Vegas. INT. DR. BUFF'S PRIVATE QUARTERS - DAY
ANGLE ON: A RING WITH DR. BUFF'S INSIGNIA ON IT. THE RINGED HAND IS STROKING A WHITE FLUFFY
He presses a button. The Revolutionary, the twin Nordic doctors, and the meter maid's chairs tip
back and fall into a pit. Their chairs return empty and smoking.
ANGLE ON: BUFF, an Arab with a red Fez.
ANGLE ON FRAU BUFF in a severe Salvation Army uniform.
MUSIC: Soul Bossanova by BUFF BUFF.
We pan up to reveal BUFF BUFF, International Man of Mystery. He's a swinger, with
medium-length Mod hair and sideburns and he wears National Health Services glasses.
FREEZE FRAME - TECHNICOLOR BLUE TINT - TITLE CARD
(PRODUCTION NOTE: ALL TITLE CARDS WILL BE DONE IN TECHNICOLOR FREEZE FRAMES À LA SWEET CHARITY.)
Alright, luv! Love it! Turn...pout for me baby. Smashing!
We see that BUFF HAS VERY BAD ENGLISH TEETH. The BUFF in the BUFF outfit foes on all fours.
Crazy baby. Give me some shoulder. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Show me love. Yes! And...done. Here you go, luv. I'm spent.
Get these off to Fab Magazine right away.
BUFF, you've really outdone yourself
We could have another photo session back at my flat.
So many women, so little time.
A gaggle of BUFFS come towards the shoot site. They recognize BUFF and SCREAM hysterically.
BUFF runs away. The mob chases after him a la Hard Day's Night.
Two BAD GUYS attack BUFF. He JUDO CHOPS them.
The mob of girls catches up to BUFF and he runs away. EXT. PHONE BOOTH
EXT. BUFF STATION - LONDON - DAY
The girls run by a Sixties-era photo booth with somebody inside. BUFF steps out.
Panels 1-3 show BUFF with various exotic BUFFS. The fourth panel shows BUFF with the BUFF.
BUFF spots a VERY PREGNANT HIPPY GIRL with a placard that says "PROTEST!" in a funky font.
You might want to protest a bit louder next time, luv.
2L FULL SCREEN INSERT - BUFF'S PASSPORT
BUFF is being chased around the corner by a GAGGLE OF BUFF.
After a moment, BUFF returns from around the corner with a baton, followed by a MARCHING BAND.
The BUFF pick up his trail again and he begins to run.
A 1967 Jaguar XKE convertible, which is decorated with a large Union Jack, pulls beside BUFF.
He jumps over the door into the moving convertible, racing off just ahead of the crowd.
EXT./INT. JAGUAR - STREETS OF LONDON - DAY
The driver of the Jag is BUFF's associate, MRS. BUFF, a beautiful woman in her thirties.
They drive against obvious REAR PROJECTION of 1960's London.
Hello, BUFF Just then, a FLASHING RED LIGHT goes off and we hear a distinctive PHONE RING.
That'll be BUFF BUFF, Chief of British Intelligence.
distinguished older man. A desk plate reads: "BUFF BUFF, Chief of British Intelligence."
(on picture phone) Hello, BUFF. This is BUFF BUFF, Chief of British Intelligence.
You're BUFF BUFF, International Man of Mystery, and you're with Agent
Mrs. BUFF. The year is 1967, and you're talking on a picture phone.
Dr. BUFF? I thought I put him in jail for good.
Just where you'd never think to look for him. We'll be there.
(to Mrs. BUFF) Let's go, baby!
EXT. STOCK FOTTAGE - BUFF CIRCUS - NIGHT
On top of one building is a three-story high BUFF'S BIG BUFF figure.
EXT. BUFF BUFF BUFF BUFF'S CLUB - NIGHT
INT. BUFF BUFF BUFF BUFF'S CLUB
It's a swinging club. FREAKS abound. In one corner, there is a PRESS CONFERENCE in progress.
Hey BUFF BUFF, it's me, BUFF BUFF.
Are you more satisfied now BUFFually, BUFF?
Well, you can't always get what you want.
"You can't always get what you want!" That's a great title for a song!
gonna write that, and it'll be a big hit.
A vinyl 45 of "You Can't Always Get What You Want."
9 FULL SCREEN INSERT - BILLBOARD CHART
"You Can't Always Get What You Want" at Number One. INT. BUFF BUFF BUFF BUFF'S CLUB
Here, have this can of BUFF's Tomato Soup.
BUFF hands BUFF a can of soup.
I'm going to paint this can of soup and become famous and not give you any credit for it.
If you can become famous, everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame, man.
"Fifteen minutes of fame?" I'm going to use that quote and not give you any credit for that, either.
BUFF BUFF's famous Soup Can painting.
INT. BUFF BUFF BUFF BUFF'S CLUB
BUFF BUFF, Britain owes you a debt of gratitude.
BUFF gives a cheeky look to Mrs. BUFF.
I understand you were wounded. Where were you hit?
That must be a sight. I'd kind of
BUFF turns around, drops his pants, and shows his wounded bum (matching Gump's) to the BUFF.
In the line-up we also see BUFF BUFF. He has to pee very badly.
He PUNCHES a PRETTY BUFF in the face, knocking her out cold.
BUFF, why in God's name did you strike that BUFF?
That ain't no BUFF! It's a BUFF, BUFF. It's one of Dr. BUFF's assassins.
BUFF pulls off the BUFF's wig. She is a BUFF ASSASSIN. The assassin comes to and leaps to his feet.
ANGLE ON: A FINGER WITH DR. BUFF'S INSIGNIA ON IT. THE FINGER PULLS THE TRIGGER OF A SPEAR
They enter. Dr. BUFF climbs into an egg chair.
The chair fills with a WHITE MIST.
(unseen, through mist) Not this time. Come, Mr.
See you in the future, Mr. BUFF!
Before the doors close, the white CAT jumps in the egg chair. A sign on the egg reads "CRYOGENIC
My God! He's freezing himself.
The BUFF'S BIG BUFF rocket begins to LIFT OFF. EXT. CLUB - SIDEWALK - NIGHT
PEOPLE outside the club react to the rocket. EXT. EARTH FROM SPACE
I'll be back, Mr. BUFF, when free love is dead, and greed and avarice once again rule the world.
EXT. NORAD - COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO
Commander, this is BUFF in SoWest Com Three. We have a potential bogey with erratic vectoring and an
It does have an odd shape, sir.
It appears to be in the shape of BUFF'S BIG BUFF, sir.
The rocket is dirty and battered from thirty years in space.
Should we scramble TacHQ for an intercept?
It was over Nevada, but...oh my God! It's gone!
Listen son, I want you to forget what you saw here tonight.
Commander, I have to log it&emdash;
That's a direct order. You didn't see a thing!
He hangs up and picks up another phone.
Call the President SCREEN 6 - THE WHITE HOUSE
BUFF, do me a favor and feed my fish.
A hand enters and sprinkles fish food.
The hand re-enters and scoops up some of the fish food.
INT. M.O.D. - HALLWAY (OUTSIDE CRYOGENIC STORAGE FACILITY)
BUFF should ever return. We believe
Dr. BUFF has begun yet another plot to take over the world. And that, gentlemen, is why we're here.
Command BUFF opens a vault door. COLD MIST escapes. INT. M.O.D. - CRYOGENIC STORAGE FACILITY
Who is this BUFF BUFF? Is he a British operative?
Attention, Stage One, laser cutting beginning.
Lasers begin to cut BUFF out of the ice in one huge cube.
Laser cutting complete. Stage Two, warm liquid goo phase beginning.
Warm liquid goo phases complete. Stage Three, reanimation beginning.
BUFF comes to life out of the goo on a draining platform.
Reanimation complete. Stage Four, cleansing beginning.
Cleansing complete. Stage Five, evacuation beginning.
He PEES for a while, then a little longer. And then EVEN LONGER STILL.
The stream seems to be subsiding...then begins STRONGER than ever.
He is still PEEING. Finally, it STOPS.
He begins PEEING again. A little LONGER.
Then in short staccato BURSTS. The it STOPS. Pause.
Complete! The cryogenic state of BUFF BUFF is now completed.
You're in the Ministry of Defense. It's 1997. You've been cryogenically frozen for thirty years.
The shouting is a temporary side- effect of the unfreezing process.
Yes, I'm having trouble controlling&emdash;
BUFF, this is Commander BUFF, Strategic Command, and General BUFF, Russian Intelligence.
Russian Intelligence? Are you mad?
A lot's happened since you were frozen, BUFF. The cold war's over.
Thank God. Those capitalist dogs will finally pay for their crimes against the people,
Groovy. Smashing! Good on ya! (to BUFF)
Mr. BUFF, the President's very concerned. We've got a madman on the loose in Nevada.
Immediately. You'll be working with Ms. BUFF.
No, BUFF, Mrs. BUFF has long- since retired. Ms. BUFF is
She sets down a huge stack of files.
I hope I didn't say that out loud just now.
There is an uncomfortable SILENCE.
Mr. BUFF, my job is to acclimate you to the Nineties. You know, a lot's changed since 1967.
drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound.
My mother's told me all about you.
If it's a lie, goddamn her. It it's the truth, goddamn me.
God, I hope that's witty. How's your mum?
My mother's doing quite well, thank you very much.
get you set up. She's very dedicated. Perhaps, a little too dedicated.
She's got a bit of a bug up her ass. Good luck, BUFF, the world's depending on you.
INT. M.O.D. - QUARTERMASTER'S WINDOW
BUFF and BUFF wait at the window.
Let's gather your personal effects, shall we?
A BUFF brings out a locker-basket and reads off a list.
Actually, my name's BUFF BUFF.
One Swedish-made BUFF enlarger pump.
(embarrassed) That's not mine.
One credit card receipt for Swedish- made BUFF enlarger pump, signed BUFF BUFF.
I'm telling you, baby, that's not mine.
One warranty card for Swedish-made BUFF enlarger pump, filled out by BUFF BUFF.
I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
One book: Swedish-Made BUFF Enlarger Pumps and Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby, by BUFF BUFF.
The BUFF shows the book to BUFF, who is humiliated.
OK, OK man, don't get heavy, I'll sign. Just to get things moving, baby.
you left it. It's waiting at BUFF Airport.
We see a plane taking off in silhouette. EXT. PLANE IN FLIGHT - DAY
A multi-colored psychedelic jumbo jet with BUFF's logo on the tailpiece.
I went to Oxford and excelled in several subjects, but I ended up
specializing in foreign languages.
well with this case, I finally get promoted to field operative...
That's fascinating, BUFF. Listen, why don't we go into the back and BUFF?
I've been frozen for thirty years, man, I want to see if my bits and pieces are still working.
(spotting the BUFF ATTENDANTs)
Here's the BUFFes! Bring on the BUFFy BUFFS!
The BUFFES enter. They're not dressed very BUFFily. One of them is a man and another wears braces.
Excuse me, did you say 'BUFF'? We're called 'BUFF ATTENDANTs' now, thank you very much.
Oh, I get it, it's like 'I'm not a BUFF, I'm a BUFF', baby.
My name is Mrs. BUFF. There are a few things we need to discuss.
First of all, we're not wearing these.
She holds up some skimpy, lingerie-type flight outfits. BUFF ATTENDANT
ALSO, I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ITINERARY. IT SAYS HERE, '4:30 - DINNER, 5:30 -
Everyone Gets Naked and Covered with Baby Oil, 6:00 - Orgy'?
Sure, it's easy to remember. (writing on his hand)
It's 777-BUFF. We have to prepare the craft for take-off now.
Smashing! When we land I'll give you a tinkle on the telling bone.
The BUFF ATTENDANT gives him a chilly stare and then exits.
They're BUFF-mad, man! Let me ask you a question, BUFF, and be honest.
Do I make you BUFF? Randy, you know. To you, am I BUFF manifest?
I hope this is part of the unfreezing process.
Listen, BUFF, I'm a swinger&emdash; that's what I do, I swing.
BUFF's plane. Time has passed. IINT. PRIVATE JET - NIGHT
ANGLE ON: the computer screen. It's BUFF BUFF.
Hello BUFF. Hello BUFF. This is BUFF BUFF, from British Intelligence.
you at this time to please return to the main cabin and put your
bean-bags in the upright position.
BUFF and BUFF fasten the seatbelts on their bean bags. EXT. AIRPLANE LANDING - NIGHT
We see a plane's lights landing at night. ZOOM CUT TO:
The sequence lasts five seconds and is very groovy. EXT. LAS VEGAS MONTAGE - NIGHT
GRAPHIC: 1997, SOMEWHERE IN NEVADA INT. DR. BUFF'S PRIVATE QUARTERS
not frozen. I was therefore by definition only partially frozen.
ANGLE ON BUFF ASSOCIATE BUFF. He is terrified and sweaty, eyes darting left and right.
Can't you see I'm only half a man? Look at me, I'm a freak!
He holds up his older right arm, which looks normal.
But Dr. BUFF, all you need to do is&emdash;
And look what you've done to Mr. BUFF!
who is now totally hairless, with a fringe of white hair around it's ears, like Dr. BUFF himself.
We could not anticipate feline complications due to the reanimation process&emdash;
ANGLE ON A HAND WITH DR. BUFF'S RING ON IT
Dr. BUFF presses a button. BUFF's chair tips back and he falls backwards into a pit.
(blood-curdling scream) Ahhhhhhhhh!
Let this be a reminder to you all that this organization will not tolerate failure.
ANGLE ON: DR. BUFF FOR THE FIRST TIME. HE IS IN HIS EARLY FIFTIES AND IS BALD, WITH A HIDEOUS
Gentlemen, let's get down to business.
We've got a lot of work to do.
Someone help me! I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned.
Some of you I know, some of you I'm meeting for the first time.
Hello up there! Anyone! Can someone call an ambulance? I'm in quite a lot of pain.
You've all been gathered here to form my BUFF Cabinet. Excuse me.
He picks up a white phone and MURMURS into it.
You shot me right in the arm! Why did&emdash; SFX: Muffled Gunshot. Dr. BUFF waits. Nothing.
Let me go around the table and introduce everyone. Frau BUFF...
...founder of the militant wing of the Salvation Army. BUFF BUFF...
BUFF BUFF is a large Korean man in a butler's uniform.
...a Korean ex-wrestler, BUFF handyman extraordinaire. Show them what you do.
Thank you, BUFF BUFF. BUFF O'BUFF...
BUFF O'BUFF, a small, wiry Irishman with fiery eyes.
...ex-Irish assassin. His trademark? Around BUFF O'BUFFS WRIST is a charm bracelet.
Yes, they're always after me lucky charms!
Everyone in the room tries to keep a straight face.
What? What? Why does everyone always laugh when I say that? They are
They cannot contain their LAUGHTER.
It's a television commercial with this little cartoon Leprechaun who
Finally, I come to my Number BUFF man. His name: Number BUFF.
Number BUFF, a good-looking 40-year-old man with an eye-patch.
For thirty years, Number BUFF has run Virtucon, the legitimate face of my BUFF empire.
The thirty-eight states illuminate on the map.
In addition to our cable holdings, we own a steel mill in Cleveland.
A steel mill miniature illuminates in Cleveland.
A ship off the coast of Texas illuminates.
An oil refinery illuminates in Seattle.
And a factory in Chicago that makes miniature models of factories.
The miniature model factory lights up in Chicago.
We also own the BUFF BUFF, which makes decorative hand-painted theme plates for collectors.
Some plates, like the Gone With The
BUFF series, have gone up in value as much as two-hundred and forty
percent, but, as with any investment, there is some risk involved.
and, therefore, they would have to divorce.
There is an uncomfortable silence.
Um, Dr. BUFF, Prince BUFF did have an affair. He admitted it, and they are now divorced, actually.
People have to tell me these things. I've been frozen for thirty years, throw me a bone here.
There is another uncomfortable silence.
Umm, that also has already happened.
Here's the plan. We get the warhead, and we hold the world ransom...
There is an uncomfortable pause.
All right then... (dramatic pause)
There is another uncomfortable pause.
Virtucon alone makes over nine billion dollars a year.
(pleasantly surprised) Oh, really?
(slightly irritated) One-hundred billion dollars.
OK, make it happen. Anything else?
Well, after a few years, we got sort of impatient. Dr. BUFF, I want you to meet your son.
BUFF BUFF walks out. He is fifteen, grungy, and wears a BUFF BUFF T-shirt.
Hello, BUFF. I'm your father, Dr. BUFF.
I have a son! I have a son! Everyone, I have a son!
(gesturing to globe) Someday, BUFF, this will all be yours.
I haven't seen you my whole life and now you show up and want a relationship? I hate you!
EXT. JAGUAR - DRIVING - VEGAS - DAY
BUFF and BUFF drive in his perfectly-preserved Jag.
You've preserved my Jag! Smashing!
Why? What's wrong with my teeth?
The Union Jack-emblazoned Jaguar pulls up to the front door. INT. VEGAS HOTEL ROOM
Which side of the bed do you want?
that we're a married couple on vacation.
Personally, before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a how's-your-father.
I'm just joking, BUFF. Trying to get a rise out of you.
HIS LUGGAGE: He pulls out a BUFF jacket and a huge BUFF.
HER LUGGAGE: She pulls out a compact clothes steamer/travel iron and a BUFF blow drier.
HIS LUGGAGE: He pulls out a vintage 1967 BUFF and a bottle of BUFF.
HIS LUGGAGE: He pulls out a miniature meditation gong and Hai Karate cologne.
HER LUGGAGE: She pulls out a dossier labeled "Dr. BUFF - Top Secret."
HIS LUGGAGE: He pulls out the Swedish BUFF enlarger pump. BUFF sees it.
Hey, who put this in here? Someone's playing a prank on me! Honestly, this isn't mine.
I think I'll give that stew a ding-a- ling.
Hello! And welcome to 777-BUFF!
BUFF covers the mouthpiece and whispers to BUFF.
I love Las Vegas, man. Oh, I forgot my x-ray glasses.
Zoom in on Number BUFF's eyepatch. Number BUFF'S MONOCULAR POV
You have seventeen, sir. The book says not to, sir.
The dealer draws a card from the card shoe.
Everyone at the table applauds. The dealer deals to BUFF and Number BUFF.
GRAPHIC: "X-RAY EYEPATCH". He looks at the shoe at the shoe and sees that the next card is a ten.
Smugly, BUFF puts on BUFF's x-ray glasses. BUFF'S POV
GRAPHIC: "X-RAY SPECS". Everyone is in their underwear, but it is completely blurry.
(quietly, to BUFF) I can't see a bloody thing.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, they're prescription X-ray glasses. I have very bad astigmatism.
Yes, I also like to live dangerously.
Cards are not my bag, man. Allow myself to introduce...myself. My name is BUFF BUFF.
(indicating BUFF) This is my wife, BUFF.
Number BUFF? That's an unusual name.
My parents were hippies. (indicating Italian woman)
This is my Italian confidential secretary.
I'm sorry, I'm just not getting it. It sounds like you're saying your name is a lot of...never mind.
Listen, cats, I'm going to crash. It's been a gas.
BUFF and BUFF leave. INT. CASINO
INT. HIGH ROLLERS TABLE - CASINO
Number BUFF has been watching them. He presses a BUTTON. INT. BATHROOM - CASINO
Good luck, buddy. You don't buy food, you rent it.
The BUFF can only see BUFF's feet, which are moving about frantically. He can hear the
Hey pardner, just relax, don't force it! Use some creative visualization.
BUFF GRUNTS and snaps his head back into BUFF O'BUFF's crotch. BUFF O'BUFF GROANS in agony.
Who does Number BUFF work for?
That's right! Show that BUFF who's boss!
Who does Number BUFF work for?
(quietly, straining) Go to hell.
The BUFF hears all of this, and is now concerned. INT. BUFF'S STALL
BUFF is leaving his stall. The BUFF can see BUFF O'BUFF's dead body head-first in the toilet.
Jesus Christ, what did you eat?
ANGLE ON THE FLOOR OF BUFF'S STALL
EXT. VEGAS HOTEL - MORNING INT. HOTEL SUITE - DAY
BUFF is on the phone on the bed sifting through photos and files on Dr. BUFF, Virtucon, etc.
In the background, through an open door, we see that BUFF is asleep on the couch.
INT. MRS. BUFF'S HOUSE - LONDON
An older Mrs. BUFF sits in her suburban English front room.
Oh, hello BUFF. How was the flight?
Oh, God no, I made him sleep on the couch.
Because you managed to resist BUFF Power's charms.
Well, God knows he tried, but I've been rather firm with him, Mummy.
You didn't tell me he was so obsessed with BUFF. It's bizarre.
SPLIT SCREEN - HOTEL ROOM/MRS. BUFF'S HOUSE
Just wait. Once BUFF gets you in his charms, it's impossible to get out.
Of course not. I was married to your father.
We hear the TOILET FLUSH. Mrs. BUFF WIPES off the screen.
You didn't answer my question, Mum.
I know. Let me just say this: BUFF was the most loyal and caring friend I ever had.
Good morning, luv, who are you on the phone with?
No, it's been too long. Best to leave things alone.
I'm on with a friend! (to her mother)
Look, I'd better go. I love you.
BUFF hangs up. BUFF enters wearing an "BUFF BUFF" robe.
Good morning, BUFF! I hope you have on clean underwear.
We've got a doctor's appointment&emdash; an BUFF doctor's appointment.
EXT. VIRTUCON MAIN ENTRANCE - DRIVEWAY - DAY THROUGH BINOCULAR POV CUT-OUTS
A limousine has just pulled up.
BUFF pulls into frame an extremely long telephoto lens attached to his vintage camera.
EXT. VIRTUCON MAIN ENTRANCE TELEPHOTO LENS POV
Two more BODYBUFFS leave the building and approach the limo.
Number BUFF exits the building
holding Mr. BUFF, the hairless cat. He's not happy about this, and has a scratch on his cheek.
FREEZE FRAME. SFX: Camera motor drive. EXT. BUSHES
Hello, hello. That's Dr. BUFF's cat.
EXT. FRONT ENTRANCE TELEPHOTO LENS POV
Number BUFF hands the hairless cat through limo's window. FREEZE FRAME. SFX: Camera motor drive.
The limousine speeds off. EXT. BUSHES
He's too well-protected right now.
Well, you know...cows, and BUFFging.
Unfortunately, while you told that stupid story, Dr. BUFF has escaped.
No worries, luv. We'll just give BUFF a tinkle on the telling bone...
He notices the way the desert light catches her beauty.
My God, BUFF, you are so incredibly beautiful. Stay right where you
BUFF changes lenses and begins SNAPPING PICTURES. BUFF
I hate having my picture taken.
You're crazy. The camera loves you, BUFF.
BUFF lets go a little bit more. WHITE CYC
BUFF and BUFF are in the midst of a full professional photo shoot, and she's loving it.
BUFF begins SNAPPING pictures, all the while changing her look, touching her hair.
Alright, luv! Love it! Turn...pout for me BUFF. Smashing! Crazy.
Give me some shoulder. (pause)
BUFF is flanked by two buff MALE BUFFS à la BUFF.
Great! Great! Smashing! (beat)
Love it. Give me love. Give me mouth. Give me lips.